these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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