This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
