I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
