Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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