That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
