Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
