I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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