Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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