Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
