sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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