I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
