My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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