maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
