I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
