I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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