I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
