Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
