Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
