You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
