hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
