Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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