she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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