if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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