clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
