I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
