i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
