I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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