they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
