Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
