you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
