lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
