Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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