Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
