are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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