pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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