She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
