The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
we should paint friendship bongs
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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