I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
how drunk are you?
Several
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
