i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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