nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
