mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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