just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
