after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize