So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
