Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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