remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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