Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
