Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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