Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
