you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
