I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize