Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
