I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
