Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
