the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
