Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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