I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
