i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
