ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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