it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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