Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
