I only kidnapped one of them. chill
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
