just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
