I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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