i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
