3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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