you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
