Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
