My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
