She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
