his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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