I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
