Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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