she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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