Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
