We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my shit smells like andre
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
