ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
did i just pee glitter
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