I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Success! We fucked roommates!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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