I smell stomach acid.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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