What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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