it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
