dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
