Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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