saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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