Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
