i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
