so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
