so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize