I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
