she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
