Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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