The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
