Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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