We got so high we made milksteak
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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