Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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