booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
