I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
